An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of November, 2019.
November 08, 2019 (comments)
Some webshits only have a hammer. Hackernews embraces the World as Nails theory, pointing out all the other ways you can use a relational database to store and retrieve information. None of the things they do are particularly different from just using a filesystem to do them, but Hackernews is always gratified to learn that someone else is doing something they were secretly ashamed of having done before.
November 09, 2019 (comments)
The United States Government continues the war against its own policies. Hackernews worries that people will stop using the telephone, and instead turn to products from Google and Microsoft, which are completely devoid of unwanted advertising. After a few hours of incorrecting one another about the telecommunications industry, everyone agrees that unwanted advertising is simple to fix: you just fine, arrest, extradite, beat the shit out of, or execute anyone who does it. These rules should only apply to telephone calls, because if they applied to websites or phone apps then nobody on Hackernews would be able to afford a telephone.
November 10, 2019 (comments)
A webshit likes a web browser. It's claimed that the browser will improve your life by blocking some content on the internet, but not enough to impede anyone's profit model. Hackernews is enamored of several features of the web browser, but none of those features are sufficiently attractive to get anyone to stop using Google Chrome. Most of the complaints are about the shape of the buttons you click on, but the best complaint is from the Hackernews who is angry that the web browser does not support a piano.
November 11, 2019 (comments)
Some webshits advertise their product, which amounts to a wiki that you have to pay for. The advertisement consists of a blog post insisting that people who type in computer programs for a living should not be asked to also interact with other human beings. Hackernews tells stories about the computer programmers who were allowed to operate in a vacuum, resulting in the implosion of the businesses which employed them. The majority of the arguments are between people who think that the choices a business has available are "interrupt the computer programmer every ten minutes forever" or "never speak to or shine lights at a computer programmer between assignment of task and completion of product," with as usual no possibility of compromise.
November 12, 2019 (comments)
The United States Government decides it must cease pointlessly rooting through people's phones in airports, but retains the practice of pointlessly rooting through people's cars in west Texas. Hackernews argues about whether "police" is even a workable concept, given cops' predilection for ruining and/or ending the lives of random bystanders. The rest of the comments are a recap of Hackernews' eternal struggle to understand constitutional law.
November 13, 2019 (comments)
The One True Hardware Manufacturer improves their perfect computers by including cute vintage-style touches, like an escape key and a 720p camera. Some Hackernews would have preferred even more retro flair, such as functioning USB-A or network ports, but these Hackernews are few and are quickly smothered by their peers. Five hundred comments try to decide if the touchbar is a useful feature or an annoying waste of power and space, but no conclusions are reached. Another hundred comments are Hackernews listing which keys on their laptop stopped working.
November 14, 2019 (comments)
A webshit tries to show other webshits how their tools work. Hackernews has almost nothing to say about the content, but it's animated, so they're very excited about it.