webshit weekly (2017/10/21)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the third week of October, 2017.
October 15, 2017 (comments)
An internet is surprised and angry that the companies who provide a pocket internet connection and GPS location service are selling shitloads of information about their users. Hackernews, every single one of whom subsists on the profits of nearly identical business models, is consumed with righteous fury. Obviously the first hurdle to cross is simple: reconstructing the concept of human rights from first principles. From there it becomes a powwow on how the enlightened and cosmopolitan Hackernews community can most effectively lecture random strangers about telecommunications policy. A sidebar discussion is held: trying to ascertain if 'ethical behavior' is even an achievable goal.
October 16, 2017 (comments)
An academic finds a problem and produces a sales brochure for it. Hackernews can't decide if this development is the fault of hardware manufacturers or consumers. One Hackernews believes that changing programming languages will help. Most of the comments involve asking which hipster Android distros have a fix released. The rest are arguing about VPN services.
October 17, 2017 (comments)
A webshit does some trigonometry. Nobody knows why. Hackernews bikesheds it anyway.
October 18, 2017 (comments)
Mozilla stops pretending they are capable of independent thought and just gives Google and Microsoft commit access to their documentation. Hackernews, a website populated primarily by web developers, misses the old non-web documentation Microsoft used to provide. Some time is spent discussing the finer points of using search engines to bypass idiotic webshit.
October 19, 2017 (comments)
An internet pastes everyone else's documentation into a webshit. Hackernews stuffs the webshit into their text editors.
October 20, 2017 (comments)
Apparently absolutely nothing occurred on the twentieth of October, so Hackernews threw a dart at a newspaper: Iceland would like to stop being a wad of mud. Hackernews is certain that it cannot. Most of the comments are people explaining Norse culture to each other, and the rest are people explaining ecology to each other. Someone dives deep into the etymology of the word 'desert,' to nobody's benefit. Another group argues about lyme disease transmissibility.
October 21, 2017 (comments)
An internet would like to help you fuck your whole house up with bad computers. Hackernews has been doing it for years, and has many suggestions for other terrible programs to integrate with this awful idea, but they're too busy arguing about how and when to turn lights on.
webshit weekly (2017/10/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of October, 2017.
October 07, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts a detailed design analysis of some software without even using it. Hackernews is terrified at the possibility that similar technology could be used to track people even when they're not using a web browser. Several pages of whining appear about Microsoft having the audacity to sell products and services. Several more appear about Microsoft having the audacity not to sell other products and services.
October 08, 2017 (comments)
An internet makes a website for a book. The book had a "beta release" instead of a "draft" because it was written by a dork. Hackernews discusses the author's ideas about the future of MySQL and how they've all already implemented all those ideas. Other Hackernews are pissed that the computer book published by a database engineer isn't about pictures.
October 09, 2017 (comments)
An internet describes stalking methodology. Hackernews is wayyyy ahead of them.
October 10, 2017 (comments)
Apple's magical curated user experience Just Works, even for entities that are not Apple. Hackernews wants Apple to port the Touchbar to their phones. Everyone seems to agree that having a smooth route to user privilege escalation without bidirectional authentication is a user interface problem and not a fundamental architectural flaw, because they are all idiots. Some Hackernews point out that pixel-level character differences are sufficient to avoid this particular instance of the problem. Everything is fine forever.
October 11, 2017 (comments)
Mozilla decides its users aren't sending enough data to Mozilla. Users are assured their privacy is intact because Mozilla probably won't look at the decryption keys. Hackernews decides that this is better than dropbox, worse than dropbox, unusable, and a killer feature. Hackernews suggests six thousand other webshits to "fix" filesharing, each of which solves about 80% of the problem and leaves the other 20% to rot. Someone asks why a browser vendor is horning in on filesharing, and a Mozilla shows up to link to some propaganda.
October 12, 2017 (comments)
An internet is angry that companies won't hire old or expensive workers. Hackernews suggests that this problem could be fixed by just not doing it. Over the course of many pages, Hackernews begins to suspect that maybe other people don't have everyone else's best interests at heart.
October 13, 2017 (comments)
Steve Wozniak signs an endorsement deal with some shitty online learning app. The article namedrops Steve Jobs for no discernible reason. Hackernews debates whether Wozniak is actually involved at all, or if this is just the particular Wheaties box Wozniak chose to appear on.
October 14, 2017 (comments)
An internet is upset that the latest revision of the USB specification is inconsistent garbage, precisely like each of the other revisions of the USB specification. Hackernews can't stop destroying their hardware. Other Hackernews vent some fury about USB-C, and decide that it's basically a user interface problem and not a fundamental architectural flaw, because they are all idiots.
webshit weekly (2017/10/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of October, 2017.
October 01, 2017 (comments)
An internet stumbles around the world of data structures. Hackernews takes turns describing the uniformly bad decisions they made when implementing their respective toy editors. Some time is spent arguing whether text files continue to be text files once they are more than a couple megabytes. No resolution is reached. An Atom developer shows up to give us some tips on reducing memory usage. Tips on memory usage from an Atom developer. An Atom developer decides to educate others on reducing memory usage. An Atom develo
October 02, 2017 (comments)
October 03, 2017 (comments)
A newspaper points out that the government can just declare your ass useless and take you and all your shit. Hackernews debates whether the solution is to preëmptively give yourself and all your shit to your children, but is concerned because they raised their children to be the sort of assholes who would sell them up the river for a chai latte. A lot of the comments are trying to ascertain whether old people are even worth saving, or whether old people are huge assholes who won't be missed. A lot more are trying to decide exactly when a given Hackernews is allowed to murder government officials.
October 04, 2017 (comments)
Some internets launch Github For Cryptonerds, then show up in the comments section to pretend it matters. Hackernews is falling over itself to send money, but nobody will take it. Perhaps the Keybase developers have a conscience.
October 05, 2017 (comments)
Some database nerds crank out another version of their software. Hackernews is angry that the massive general-purpose SQL engine doesn't flawlessly optimize every single query on the fly. The discussion rapidly spirals into implementation details of software that is primarily used to host spam comments on Wordpress blogs.
October 06, 2017 (comments)
Some webshits clone robots.txt, again, for no particularly useful reason. It took ten webshits to draft a specification for a four-line text file. Hackernews spends several hours trying to decide what "disclosure" means, and which flavors are represented by modifers like "full," "coordinated," and "responsible." Even Hackernews suspects that a security-related text file with no provisions for authenticating the contents might not be the best plan.
October 07, 2017 (comments)
A webshit posts a typography guide which contains about three words per page and recommends linewrapping suitable for an ASR-33. Hackernews declares typography a mathematical science but immediately gets distracted by bright colors. The rest of the comments are Hackernews airing out their pet peeves and whining about which fonts people choose.