webshit weekly (2019/02/21)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the third week of February, 2019.
February 15, 2019 (comments)
February 16, 2019 (comments)
Another webshit posts the same set of advice everyone else has posted about starting a business. Hackernews compares this article to received wisdom of the Hackernews Beauty Pageant, and sounds the alarm when some of it doesn't line up. No technology is discussed.
February 17, 2019 (comments)
An Internet thinks that everyone who travels by airplane also obsesses about the specific location of the plane while they are not on it. Hackernews bikesheds the summary of how the website gathers information, then whines about the operators not releasing the data. The rest of the comments are people arguing about relevant laws and reinventing aircraft transponders from first principles.
February 18, 2019 (comments)
A Reddit took a lot of photographs and made one large mosaic. Hackernews rehosts the file a few times, argues about what software they should use to host, download, and look at the file, recommends other files to look at, and then argues about which Google webshit provides the best way to see the moon.
February 19, 2019 (comments)
An Internet, succumbing to illness, bids farewell. Hackernews mostly bitches about the phrasing of the article, but a few Hackernews instead decide this is the right platform for their weird-ass opinions on the scientific method.
February 20, 2019 (comments)
Someone in the United States federal government notices that the law may not in fact allow cops to just steal shit from people, which comes as a surprise to the cops. It is to be hoped that this ruling does not halt civil forfeiture; deprived of their favorite sport, police will have nothing to do other than pursue their second-favorite sport: murdering civilians. Since no technology is discussed, Hackernews explodes with weeks of pent-up armchair legal opinions, and gleefully spends the day incorrecting each other about the intersection of states' rights and the Constitution of the United States.
February 21, 2019 (comments)
A pack of deranged maniacs finally unearths the worst possible communications protocol. The XMPP Memorial Society gets super pissy about it. Hackernews separates into partisan fire teams and skirmishes over which shitty protocol is the obviously-correct solution. I was going to write a joke about switching this chat service to using JMAP as a backend, but several Hackernews suggested it as an actual desire.
webshit weekly (2019/02/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of February, 2019.
February 08, 2019 (comments)
The headline is inaccurate; PostgreSQL still uses fsync incorrectly. Hackernews recounts all the times the PostgreSQL development team has rejected simple fixes for this and other bugs. Other Hackernews debate whether the filesystem should lie to the userspace applications, the kernel, both, or neither. Most of the comments, of course, are Hackernews incorrecting each other with how filesystems work at all, complete with shitty ASCII diagrams.
February 09, 2019 (comments)
Google shitcans some moron's shovelware, then reneges after mild social media attention. Hackernews speculates on the incentives that might cause a moron to nail their flag to someone else's mast, then spends a few hours armchair-lawyering the Google terms and conditions. The core question of the day, however, is just how the hell anyone is supposed to survive if they can't use AdSense?
February 10, 2019 (comments)
February 11, 2019 (comments)
Google places yet another football for Charlie Brown to kick. The press release authors could not think of any reason for anyone to give a shit, so they namedrop fashionable Valley companies instead. Hackernews enjoys similar tools for making end runs around their coworkers. The rest of the comments are priest-led Praising of the Holy Google, followed by the ritual bitching about identically bug-ridden webshit from non-Google providers.
February 12, 2019 (comments)
A database administrator thinks that database shit is the most important shit. Hackernews completely agrees, and breathlessly extolls the wonders of technology designed to enable people to access information. The original article is nearly content-free, so Hackernews pitches in by arguing about which fundamental mathematical theory obviously underpins SQL. Here and there, random Hackernews pair off to have brief Big-Data-related pissing matches.
February 13, 2019 (comments)
A simple question results in The Gospel According to Some Dipshit, illustrating to the Philistines the wisdom and divinity of the Lord your Google. Hackernews upvotes the shit out of this testament, even though one of the other answers was written by the creator of the fucking technology being described. The Anointed Answer is sufficiently nontechnical that Hackernews comes streaming out of the walls and forms two ranks: those who love and fear the Lord their Google, and those who are annoyed by how shitty CAPTCHAs are. The battle is without end.
February 14, 2019 (comments)
Amazon does not build a building. Amazon frequently does not build buildings, but now it is news, because Amazon said it was going to build a building this time. Hackernews totally saw this coming, and is perfectly willing to explain their reasoning, which is totally unassailable and directly in conflict with their previous analysis from back when Amazon said they would build a building.
webshit weekly (2019/02/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of February, 2019.
February 01, 2019 (comments)
Some bureaucrats notice that Google is maximizing shareholder value. Hackernews enumerates all the various webshits and telephone software that various companies use to inspect in minute detail the lives of every single customer, but concludes that stripping yourself bare and presenting your entire life for examination is worth it so you can look up how long your bike ride was on Tuesday. Some Hackernews identify some alternate providers of software and services, which do not traffic in private information. The Google Analytics team dispatches self-driving vans to round them up and deliver them to re-education dormitories.
February 02, 2019 (comments)
Some dipshit has strong opinions about where you should keep your files. Instead of letting an idiot like you decide what software to run and where to put things, we are treated to a disquisition on open-source bureaucracy. Some Hackernews think the author is complaining about the wrong files, but the real fight breaks out over whether people should be allowed to use more than one program in association with a given file. On the sidelines, the rest of Hackernews spends some time reinventing filesystem features from the 1980s, then bikeshedding each other into the ground.
February 03, 2019 (comments)
A Python takes the stage to reveal that complicated systems are not simple and designing them may require actual human thought. Now that the topic has been nominated, Hackernews slogs through reinventing each component of an imaginary implementation from first principles. Since technology is being discussed, instead of technological aesthetics, the discussion is desultory and short-lived.
February 04, 2019 (comments)
Mozilla fixes a ridiculous problem they've had for at least ten years. Hackernews bitches about Netflix, then Youtube, then the internet advertising industry, then Safari.
February 05, 2019 (comments)
Reddit begs for money from China, because thirteen years is just not long enough to turn a profit. Hackernews, all of whom use Reddit extensively, agree that Reddit faces several problems: its userbase is garbage, the website itself is a pile of shit, and the company is now beholden to extremely rich people who live in a dictatorship. Most Hackernews suggest various UI improvements that can overcome these limitations.
February 06, 2019 (comments)
An internet destroys some light bulbs to find out why the manufacturers stopped lying about their average service life. Hackernews, of course, is furious about pulse-width modulation. A light bulb engineer shows up in the comments to tell people to shop at Ikea. Other Hackernews wonder if light bulbs would be better if they were connected via USB.
February 07, 2019 (comments)
A good old-fashioned shitfight breaks out between two newspaper publishers, except instead of immigration issues or mining workers' rights, it's more like Joseph Pulitzer threatened to print daguerreotypes of William Randolph Hearst's hog. Hackernews does not want to think about this particular Elastic Beanstalk, so they focus on the politics of the matter. No technology is discussed.