webshit weekly (2018/07/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of July, 2018.
July 08, 2018 (comments)
Some webshits play with the inadequacy of their platform. Hackernews forms two lines: the grumpy pensioners bemoaning the shoddy work put into basically all web standards, and the naive youth, gleefully effing the ineffable, for whom standards are things that happen to other people. Several Hackernews are momentarily confused regarding which line they should join, but in the long run they both wind up in the same toilet.
July 09, 2018 (comments)
Some auto workers lie to each other. Nothing interesting results. Hackernews spends two days bikeshedding the headline, then debates the seditious and possibly fatal concept of taking responsibility for their work. Everyone agrees it's not worth doing, especially since nobody seems to be forcing them to, but there's a lively argument to be pursued regarding whose fault that is.
July 10, 2018 (comments)
Some webshits (business model: "uber for surveillance") think anyone cares about their jobs. Their home page features a link entitled "Website Data Collection Preferences" that does not affect anything, which may be performance art. Hackernews reads the thousands of words about reckless overengineering, then declares that Hackernews could have predicted the results, since Hackernews is the world's leading authority on reckless overengineering. Many dozens of comments insist that all the problems come from not aping Google, followed by many more claiming to know the true meaning of Google's Holy Writ.
July 11, 2018 (comments)
Nota Bene: Yes, Gizmodo misspelled "San Francisco" in the headline. "Hacker" "News" apparently chose not to correct this either.
Some workers understand their tools. Hackernews is completely revolted by this concept, and uses it as a springboard to offload every complaint they've ever had about every government in the Bay Area. One Hackernews is particularly pissed off about the time when someone called for emergency services and emergency services arrived. The rest are mostly content to bicker about whether fire engines should be standardized internationally, or complaining that firefighters do not work enough, or they're not smart enough to handle lumber, or are too dumb to select a ladder.
July 12, 2018 (comments)
A programmer caps off nearly three decades of effort with some light whining. Hackernews can't seem to care; instead they whine about people being mean to them, develop a deep rage at the idea that someone might be being mean to them in a circumspect manner, and then place a bounty on the heads of anyone who has ever been mean to anyone else. When someone finally notices the content of the article in question, they bikeshed the thirty years of work instead.
July 13, 2018 (comments)
A webshit purports to educate us. The content of the education is entirely inconsequential, unless your organization is focused on wasting resources and/or human dignity. Even Hackernews recognizes the idiocy inherent in the source material, and chooses to spend the time arguing about the programs used for typesetting instead. Later, an argument breaks out when someone smugly points out that "Hacker" "News", a site primarily devoted to agreeing with cloistered rich people, requires less hardware than Facebook, a site primarily devoted to the destruction of Western civilization.
July 14, 2018 (comments)
An idiot thinks you should use a broken map because the working one is owned by shitheads. Hackernews is unconvinced, but has lots of strong opinions on why the shitty map is shitty. Most of the comments are people namedropping competing products and/or whining about the times those products did not work.
webshit weekly (2018/07/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of July, 2018.
July 01, 2018 (comments)
Some scientists explore the idea that people focus better when given a reason to give a shit. Hackernews considers that maybe children are human beings. Hundreds of comments are devoted to determining whether toilets are cleaned because that is the driving passion of individual toilet-cleaning aficionados or because of the invisible hand of the market deterring janitors from operating commercial aircraft. Other Hackernews assume that Mayan culture is still in the hunter/gather stage and declare the studies in the article suspect. Everyone agrees that the kids these days are just rotten and it's everyone else's fault.
July 02, 2018 (comments)
A parasite compiles buzzwords into a Google Docs text file. In response, a Hackernews apostate suggests that perhaps building a lasting business at a sustainable pace is within the realm of possibility. The Hackernews Re-education Squad parachutes into the resulting panic to firmly explain that hockey-stick growth followed by acquisition or IPO is the only acceptable path forward, and that making a low-six-figure income in an affordable community is a dangerous myth. The real question is: during your normal, necessary, not-excessive twelve-hour work day, are you more productive before dawn or after dusk?
July 03, 2018 (comments)
The Italian branch of Wikipedia throws a temper tantrum. Nobody notices, but the temper tantrum was about the European Union, an entity Hackernews knows everything about and on which is willing to deliver lectures ad infinitum. Hackernews doesn't know much about Italy, but whenever they hear "european union" they remember the six thousand thinkpieces they read about Brexit, so that's what all the comments are about. Sadly, the Italian branch of Wikipedia returned to normal operation the next day.
July 04, 2018 (comments)
A video scraping tool gets a new release. Hackernews is grumpy because the tool, which downloads videos from Google but does not display ads, isn't trivially available on their Google-powered advertising-supported phone operating system. Hackernews argues about the best options to pass to the tool. One Hackernews is furious that someone has the audacity to play music from Youtube at parties, and fervently defends the professional tradecraft of playing music at parties.
July 05, 2018 (comments)
Europe caves to Big Wiki. Hackernews doesn't think this is over; they suspect that people whose entire job is to pass this legislation may somehow be motivated to continue trying to pass this legislation. The armchair lawyers arrive and form up battle lines to decide whether people should have any say in what laws are passed by their rulers.
July 05, 2018 (comments)
July 06, 2018 (comments)
Apple makes a slight change to font rendering. Millions die in the resulting apocalypse. Hackernews lashes together otherwise-worthless 1080p monitors to form a rampart around their 300-dpi enclave, the last remaining bastion of enlightened civilization, under constant assault from the mindless quasi-chordates whose reprobate "culture" is so degenerate that they don't even care if they edit text on a screen with less than 120Hz refresh rates. To keep up morale, they entertain one another with obvious fiction regarding modern so-called people willing to purchase and deploy computer screens that cover less than 120% of the Adobe RGB color gamut.
July 07, 2018 (comments)
An Internet has a hobby. Hackernews likes to watch. The hobby involves Lisp, whose evangelists are so ancient and terrifying that the Rust Evangelism Strike Force declares the entire comment thread a no-fly zone and produces new maps marking the area as lost territory, impenetrable to the faithful.
webshit weekly (2018/06/30)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the last week of June, 2018.
June 22, 2018 (comments)
The United States legislative branch decrees that the one-time must ask permission to use other people's surveillance networks. Hackernews marvels at the rank inefficiency of the spying tools used by 20th-century law enforcement, but the majority of the comments focus on the nature of the Supreme Court. Scads of barely-relevant case law appear, based on which case names any given Hackernews can remember at the time the comment was typed.
June 23, 2018 (comments)
Some kids fuck around on the internet. Hackernews debates whether people should still be punished for crimes if they're really good at committing them.
June 24, 2018 (comments)
A programmer holds forth on programming. Hackernews doesn't like the resolution of the video clip and begs for Deckard to enhance 224 to 176. Afterwards, several Hackernews argue about whether it is fundamentally crucial that all programmers know how to write a relational database management system from scratch or whether it is criminally irresponsible to acquire this knowledge unless you already work for SAP SE.
June 25, 2018 (comments)
An Internet dishes on a grift. Hackernews argues about mattress prices. No technology is discussed.
June 26, 2018 (comments)
Some euros assert that technology companies are all out to get you. Hackernews has well-informed and comprehensive knowledge of this specific brand of trickfuckery, since they all worked on it for a living and regard it as an inescapable aspect of human society. Because most of them work at Google or Facebook, they spend the afternoon shitting on Microsoft, for daring to do with desktop-computer software the things that Google and Facebook do on the web and on cellphones.
June 27, 2018 (comments)
Some DIY electronics-repair people write a hit piece about a company that makes difficult-to-repair products. Hackernews can no longer ignore the fact that their favorite computer manufacturer hasn't manufactured a useful computer in several years, and spends yet another afternoon mourning the death of the person who made the trains run on time. In the end, the consensus is that they'll only spend a few thousand more dollars on this shit, and if it doesn't get better, they'll go buy Macbook clones from Dell instead.
June 28, 2018 (comments)
Bezos bids big on a benzo broker. Some suspect certain stock slumps seem silly. Most mull mailorder medicine; might marketers mete out mimics? Hackernews hates has-been hucksters -- hails heros helping haul healthcare.
June 29, 2018 (comments)
Over half a decade later, Apple addresses the fact that its mapping software is garbage. Apple doesn't have any fixes or even improvements to release; they're just addressing it. Hackernews is deeply concerned that Apple is getting into a fistfight with Google instead of whoever designed their keyboard. One Hackernews is mad that "Asia" is regarded as a geographic cue instead of a restaurant search.
June 30, 2018 (comments)
A dipshit spends a paragraph describing how important a task is, describes dumping the whole operation into Google's lap, then gets mad when the house of cards can't stand up to a gentle breeze. Hackernews agrees with the outrage, and trades horror stories of when the bad company didn't hold their hands when they were scared. The rest of the comments are an argument about whether an advertising agency, a retail store, or an office software company is the best organization to trust with your entire business.