webshit weekly (2019/03/21)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the third week of March, 2019.
March 15, 2019 (comments)
Der Bundesnachrichtendienst begins to persecute NSA collaborators. Hackernews tries to bikeshed the proposed legislation, but keeps bouncing off of Google's terrible translation services. Unable to push through the problem, Hackernews instead decides to attack the act of legislation itself. A large subthread's discussion ranges the gamut from "only programmers should be trusted to write laws" to "only programs should be trusted to drive cars."
March 16, 2019 (comments)
Some investors pay too much for an operating system. Hackernews bikesheds the headline, pausing to express surprise that any software they do not personally use seems to continue existing regardless. Later, an argument breaks out about the relative merits of package managers.
March 17, 2019 (comments)
A webshit buys a computer. Hackernews angrily lists all the ways the computer is not like a Macbook.
March 18, 2019 (comments)
Hackernews deigns to notice one (1) victim who died in a mass murder, because that specific person provably interacted with computers a lot. Hackernews are very clear about not supporting murder, but kindly take the time to explain to one another why some murders are more regrettable than others.
March 19, 2019 (comments)
Mozilla introduces a new release of Firefox, which removes some online annoyances (presumably by moving them all to the New Tab page). Hackernews is enthusiastic about the possibility that the web browser will stop moving shit around as it loads images. Sadly, the browser in question still differs slightly from Chrome in several bizarrely-specific user interface decisions, and so Hackernews will only use it on Android devices, since it's the only way to get ad blocking on a device made by an advertising agency.
March 20, 2019 (comments)
An academic turns to computers in a never-ending quest to make learning harder than it needs to be. Naturally, computers are up to the task. Hackernews disapproves of the approach in the article, because it requires the operator to understand the tools in use. A few Hackernews have created similar grotesqueries from alternative programs, and proceed to list them in great detail, to the edification of no one.
March 21, 2019 (comments)
Facebook does whatever the fuck it wants, and some blogger thinks anyone cares. Hackernews has strong opinions about the technology and policy choices inside Facebook that led to this situation, but spend most of the time inventing the failure state from first principles, miraculously concluding the error must be whatever a given Hackernews fucked up during early-career shenanigans. Half of the comments debate whether it's worth bothering trying to keep track of your own code; since nothing can be perfect, we're all better off abdicating any responsibility. That way nobody gets to be surprised when we don't even try.
webshit weekly (2019/03/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of March, 2019.
March 08, 2019 (comments)
A politician solicits campaign donations from a select group of public-benefit organizations. Hackernews disagrees with the prospective donor list and would prefer the attention to be directed at organizations they do not work for or worship. After several hours complaining about how much they pay service providers for bad service, Hackernews returns to its natural state: incorrecting each other about economic theory.
March 09, 2019 (comments)
A company that specializes in centralized remote data access succeeds beyond their wildest imagination. Hackernews realizes the source of some of the information is untrustworthy, but since PHP software is involved it's impossible to tell colossal incompetence from state-backed overt assault. Other Hackernews decide that it's just not possible to avoid getting your shit snatched, and start arguing about how much of the government can be safely delegated to an industry where nobody can be held accountable for their work.
March 10, 2019 (comments)
An Internet tells a motivational story about the courage and persistence required to finally live the dream: producing short-run cubicle decorations for people who don't warrant a door. Hackernews is extremely enthusiastic about the "spew bullshit forth like a diarrhetic hippopotamus" approach to personal betterment, and spend the afternoon patting each other on the back for sticking by bad implementations of bad ideas.
March 11, 2019 (comments)
F5 fires a killshot at their biggest competitor. Hackernews is staggered, fretting about whether it is even possible for software to exist in a fashion not subject to corporate ownership. Frantic recommendations are sought and provided for replacement tools, all of which appear to be caching proxies, and none of which are actual web servers.
March 12, 2019 (comments)
Mozilla introduces another product that has nothing to do with their only valuable asset. To rectify this oversight, they named it after the web browser anyway. Hackernews is split fairly evenly between people crawling over each other to start using it and people who are correctly terrified of anything in a web browser claiming to be secure. Some Hackernews want to know who is paying for the hosting. The answer is Mozilla, which is to say, Google.
March 13, 2019 (comments)
A company is mad at another company, and makes some webshit containing PR for their incoming complaints to some adults. Hackernews attempts to negotiate the precise depth and vigor with which a computer manufacturer should be allowed to fuck its competitors. Several imaginary users are invented for Hackernews to defend against the relentless onslaught of fraud and theft that reigns supreme in the online payment industry created by Hackernews' employers.
March 14, 2019 (comments)
An Internet recounts one of Boeing's previous attempts to evade responsibility for a flaw in their aircraft. Hackernews nervously hovers around the edges of discussing the concept of professional responsibility, but when the original author shows up to complain that nobody properly accredited the story, Hackernews drops the hot potato and seizes the distraction of lecturing the author that the information was posted to the wrong webshit.
webshit weekly (2019/03/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of March, 2019.
March 01, 2019 (comments)
Lyft (business model: "Uber for cars") declares that it's a real company run by human adults. Hackernews, of course, immediately enters into a protracted argument regarding whether Lyft is giving too much money to Amazon Web Services, not enough money, or exactly the right amount of money. Another group of Hackernews is impressed that executives at the company sometimes work for the company; while Hackernews assumes this is to engender a better understanding of the lives of drones, it's more likely they were just supplementing their Uber income. The rest of the comments are trying to work out how much money everyone has.
March 02, 2019 (comments)
An Internet uses computers for money. Hackernews is mad that sometimes people trick them out of getting paid for similar work. Other Hackernews are mad that people try to trick them into paying for similar work. The rest of the comments are from people trying to become qualified to do similar work.
March 03, 2019 (comments)
An Internet discovers that dipshittery crosses cultural boundaries. Hackernews enumerates every single bad password they've ever selected, and expresses some surprise that hipster keyboard layouts cannot save them. The largest thread is about which pirated software license keys make the worst passwords. Some Hackernews are angry that people on Twitter have opinions that are not about computers. The rest of the comments are people linking to, describing, or demanding implementation of that XKCD comment with the bad password advice.
March 04, 2019 (comments)
A bone-marrow transplant from an immune donor renders an HIV patient virus-free. Hackernews doesn't have anything productive to say about it, so they trade anecdotes about how shitty people were to AIDS victims in the 1990s.
March 05, 2019 (comments)
The National Security Agency would like to show off one of its less interesting toys. Hackernews is excited, as this toy is significantly less expensive than similar toys they already had. The rest of Hackernews doesn't think anything can hold a candle to the other toys, and is suspicious of anyone who thinks otherwise.
March 06, 2019 (comments)
Some nerds suspect that Facebook experienced a slight engagement decrease in one of its mid-tier markets. Hackernews never used Facebook, stopped using it years ago, can't stop using it, or demands everyone else use it more. Extremely detailed reasons are provided for each of these positions, but they are identical to the ones posted on all past Facebook-related stories.
March 07, 2019 (comments)
An internet is not invited to participate in Microsoft's security theater. Hackernews debates whether it is appropriate to outsource trust to Microsoft, or whether it is the purity of the developer's intention that counts. The rest of the comments are various Hackernews recounting the trials they undertook to attain sufficient worthiness that Microsoft may shrive them unto your PC, or other Hackernews nailing their ninety-five theses to the bathroom door in the lobby of Microsoft HQ.