webshit weekly (2017/07/21)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the third week of July, 2017.
July 15, 2017 (comments)
Some bureaucrats make boring decisions about meaningless garbage. Hackernews feels vindicated, and celebrates by rehashing ancient tribal lore. The arguments start with "misunderstanding the terms of the document" and move through "misunderstanding the terms of all documents" before settling on "zero-knowledge declaration of best practices." Nothing useful is even brought up, much less discussed.
July 16, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts to Forbes to link to Twitter. Hackernews argues about whether it's better to work at a place where you have to treat your management team like a debt collector or whether it's better to just start out rich. Every single comment is replied to with "well that's not the norm," followed by an anecdote the responder insists is the actual norm.
July 17, 2017 (comments)
An internet mentions that current "deep" "learning" tactics maybe aren't perfect. Hackernews is comfortable with the fact that the class of computing they refer to as "deep learning" has nothing to do with learning and the only "depth" is the pile of bullshit they proceed to spew about how the real problem is pretending computers are people. Some time is spent replacing existing misconceptions with new, more dangerous misconceptions. Everyone agrees that the solution is more abstraction, and all current problems are the fault of those lazy assholes over in the biology sector.
July 18, 2017 (comments)
Big Pharma continues the war against its own users. Hackernews is sorry that people are needlessly dying, but it just costs too much money to know things. Better luck next time!
July 19, 2017 (comments)
Bitcoin Idiots, LLC watches another batch of feckless morons get their toys stolen. Hackernews sagely gathers around the campfire to explain that Bitcoin Idiots, LLC committed a cardinal sin: programming computers without asking Mozilla how to do it right. Hackernews can't figure out how any of the affected parties can continue living after having lost so much money, never stopping to notice that there was no money at all involved.
July 20, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts a tabloid story about a medical case. Hackernews (all of whom are neurologists) bikesheds the tabloid. The rest of the comments are people translating everything into computer analogies for the readers unwilling to pretend they have medical degrees.
July 21, 2017 (comments)
An internet makes a bash script to encrypt things. Hackernews dives into a multi-hour argument about how to make files appear in two places at once. Once someone notices this particular program exposes metadata and isn't generally as useful as real password managers, the floodgates of self-promotion open as every single Hackernews links to the github url of every home-built password manager ever made.
webshit weekly (2017/07/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of July, 2017.
July 08, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts some pictures of war. Hackernews is primarily concerned with whose fault war is, but not to the degree that they can't take some time to shit on the quality of the photos, the intentions of everyone involved, and the person who took the pictures.
July 09, 2017 (comments)
An internet debugs some shitty software. No solutions are forthcoming. One Hackernews goes on a completely unrelated rant about other shitty software, which prompts an explosion of unrelated garbage from uninvolved onlookers. The rest of the comments are people telling each other to buy Apple products, since those are infallible.
July 10, 2017 (comments)
An internet notices that a top-level domain is run by cretins. Hackernews points out the United Kingdom is morally reprehensible, then daydreams about using this sort of administrative vulnerability to defraud people on the web. Naturally, the weapon of choice would be Let's Encrypt. Someone mentions that several other ccTLDs got burned as well, reinforcing the fact that everything except .com will forever be a second-class citizen.
July 11, 2017 (comments)
Some internets attempt to fight lobbyists. Hackernews debates why and invents six thousand inaccurate analogies to explain the situation. One Hackernews gets angry that the topic of discussion focuses on America, as though anyone gives a shit about network policies anywhere else.
July 12, 2017 (comments)
Google would like the government to protect its ability to monitor all humans equally. Hackernews recommends that Google quit fucking around and openly dictate government policy. The usefulness of a nuclear second-strike capability is debated for some reason. The rest of the comments are armchair quarterbacking the entire concept of network neutrality.
July 13, 2017 (comments)
Lifetime Bell Labs intern Russ Cox promises that his boss will care more about your opinions. Hackernews threatens to shoot down the International Space Station unless someone brings them generics. The Rust Evangelism Strike Force circulates plainclothes agents in the crowd to disperse pamphlets.
July 14, 2017 (comments)
An over-engineered data cache receives further overengineering. Lots of noise occurs about "clustering" and "distributed". The cache now officially supports the Raspberry Pi -- and since the Redis developers are still not aware that processors can have more than one core, running it will not affect the real databases you run with the rest of your CPU. Hackernews spends all day bickering about the use of the term 'slave.' Again.
webshit weekly (2017/07/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of July, 2017.
July 01, 2017 (comments)
An internet accidentally gets customers. Having exerted no effort, it is clearly time to claim expertise and spam a blog post to Hackernews. Hackernews gets wrapped around the axle about whether developers are immune to advertising.
July 02, 2017 (comments)
Some academics are pretty sure poison fucks shit up. Hackernews debates whether humanity could survive without bees. The rest of the comments involve wondering what exactly bees do. Some Hackernews decide we can just replace them with drones.
July 03, 2017 (comments)
Microsoft continues its war against its own users. Hackernews -- in typical webshit fashion -- declares it is obvious that any web-based technology or cloud-related application is unreliable garbage, unless they wrote it themselves. The rest of the comments are people demanding that everyone stop using a given service and other people making scads of excuses regarding why they must continue using it forever.
July 04, 2017 (comments)
An academic makes a webshit game depicting an idea of what working for a living must be like. Hackernews strongly relates, since it is an accurate portrayal of the closest they've ever come to working. Half of the page is people arguing about window managers.
July 05, 2017 (comments)
July 06, 2017 (comments)
Lets Encrypt, having spent years telling the world that wildcard certificates are a bad idea, announces their upcoming implementation of that bad idea. They continue blathering about "100% HTTPS" goals: not on my watch. Hackernews spends some time circlejerking about having free access to a bad certificate authority. Some Hackernews experience cognitive dissonance at the realization they like something they're not paying for. The rest of the comments are defending idiotic decisions by Lets Encrypt.
July 07, 2017 (comments)
An idiot blogs on Google Docs about fucking up. Hackernews doesn't bother reading it but trades stories about how Amazon is awesome and/or terrible. Lots of tips are voiced about how to deal with large corporations who do not give a fuck about you. The most common advice is to send a message to an email address named after the CEO. Eventually, the idiot reports that the problem is resolved.