webshit weekly (2017/06/21)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the third week of June, 2017.
June 15, 2017 (comments)
Some asshole draws invalid conclusions from a dataset comprised entirely of morons. A few Hackernews realize what a ridiculous waste of energy this was, but most set about earnestly defending their meaningless preferences regarding trivial bullshit. One idiot declares the preferred whitespace to be "more egalitarian." Hackernews takes this claim seriously, and has opinions about it.
June 16, 2017 (comments)
Amazon buys some grocery stores. Hackernews pontificates about the social implications of this uninteresting development. Along the way it is decided that Whole Foods is the reason that video game programmers should unionize. The rest of the discussion comprises this week's "let's invent economic theory from my personal experience as a cashier" party.
June 17, 2017 (comments)
An internet relates an utterly pedestrian life story. Hackernews stumbles across it half a decade later and uses it as an excuse to promote whatever self-help book happened to make them feel smartest. The rest of the comments are Hackernews recounting their own boring existence or else yelling about how hard everything is.
June 18, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts links to math books. Hackernews recommends the math books they wrote and/or read instead. A few people make excuses for why they claim to want to do things but do not do them. The remainder of the conversation involves bitching about the formatting of the website.
June 19, 2017 (comments)
A cybersecurity company peddles its services. Hackernews opines that everything is fine because most of this data was public to start with. Some Hackernews spend a while playing fantasy football with the constitution of the United States. The rest spend all day explaining to each other why personal data must be protected at all cost, except when it interferes with internet advertising.
June 20, 2017 (comments)
An asshole quits his job. Hackernews absolutely explodes, because Uber's business model ("fuck you and your laws") aligns perfectly with Hackernews' most firmly-held convictions. Many thousands of words are deployed to explain carefully to each other that a jitney-cab with a smartphone app is the most monumental societal development in the history of humanity, and that it is absolutely criminal that a man should be forced out of his cushy job for trivial transgressions like "building an entire corporation on the idea that women are not people" and "abusing your own employees." Most Hackernews hold the opinion that this one person leaving the company will destroy the company, never pausing to wonder how great the place must be if one asshole going home is all it takes to burn everything down.
June 21, 2017 (comments)
An idiot gets robbed by a jitney driver. Hackernews, seeing that the idiot pursued legal remediation and succeeded, decides that everything the idiot did was totally wrong, and they have all the right answers. In addition, Hackernews concludes that Uber was unfairly treated by everyone involved and should have been allowed to lie to the police.
webshit weekly (2017/06/14)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of June, 2017.
June 08, 2017 (comments)
Skynet sells its manufacturing division to some foreigners. Hackernews argues about whether Google makes money from anything but advertising. Other Hackernews debates whether Google altruistically bought a battlebot company to shut it down or if someone at Google was stupid enough to think that battlebot design was a good fit for an advertising company. The rest of the thread is name-dropping hearsay about people who worked at these organizations.
June 09, 2017 (comments)
An internet discovers that Apple does not give a shit about him. Hackernews lectures each other about how to quickly climb aboard this shit train. Another Hackernews angrily attacks Apple and its customers for living in the world that Hackernews helped build.
June 10, 2017 (comments)
An internet is imperfectly happy with Google's user experience. Hackernews pouts that people would have been meaner to Apple. The rest of the threads are people saying "I sure wish it didn't do this shit" and then getting lynched by people who insist that disliking anything about Google is license to fuck right off the internet.
June 11, 2017 (comments)
A magazine reports on people committing crimes. Hackernews spends some time recounting all the myraid ways they've been defrauded, then settles in to lecture each other about how to prevent fraud.
June 12, 2017 (comments)
Some nerds obsess over dumb shit. Hackernews spends some time making excuses for GNU's code being so shitty, before inevitably reaching consensus that all the problems are C's fault. Someone mentions rust, but the strike force does not arrive; presumably they avoid the Cult of GNU, since rust is a programming language instead of a political windmill.
June 13, 2017 (comments)
Verizon buys the corpse of Yahoo!. Hackernews pauses to bitch that executives make a lot of money before getting to the real meat of this story: women are incompetent lazy charlatans and Hackernews hates them so much.
June 14, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts a bounty board where people can complain about things and offer money for bad solutions. Hackernews is excited at the possibility of getting rich by fleecing a shitload of regular people for small amounts, which is a nice change from fleecing a small number of venture capitalists for huge amounts.
webshit weekly (2017/06/07)
An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of June, 2017.
Somebody mentioned Rust this week, but nobody cared. The United States Marshalls are attempting to access Mozilla HQ in hopes of locating the Rust Evangelism Strike Force, but the stall is locked from the inside.
June 01, 2017 (comments)
An internet is angry that Facebook does not answer to him. Hackernews decides that "I don't have a facebook account" is the new "I don't have a TV" and precisely that circlejerk ensues. Some Hackernews attempt to rationalize multimegabyte pageloads for plaintext content, then settle in to question why exactly the internet should let just anybody on in the first place.
June 02, 2017 (comments)
An internet blames history for http/2 being a piece of shit. Hackernews, given knowledge without understanding, is immediately in love. They spend a while trading similarly shallow treatments of fundamental IT topics, then argue about whether content is worth money.
June 03, 2017 (comments)
An idiot is hired by idiots. After something idiotic occurs, the idiot is fired and posts about it on the internet. Hackernews argues about which particular idiot caused this. The rest of the thread is Hackernews parroting things they read online about leadership or reminiscing about doing something idiotic while working for idiots.
June 04, 2017 (comments)
An asshole wastes his time. Hackernews reverse-engineers the entire Western economy. It comes out different for each one of them, but each one of them is relieved they've solved all the problems. The consensus is that it doesn't matter whether you go to college or not: you'll never be as smart as Hackernews.
June 05, 2017 (comments)
Apple lies about its software. Hackernews takes them at face value.
June 06, 2017 (comments)
June 07, 2017 (comments)
An internet blogs about disrupting an event. Hackernews has had enough of these ungrateful broads; they should stop with the backtalk and like what they get.