An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of August, 2019.
August 08, 2019 (comments)
An Internet examines the groundskeepers of the "Hacker" "News" estate. To the surprise of nobody, it turns out to be wealthy old people. The author demonstrates exceptionally good taste in selection of representation for the opposition. Hackernews revels in spotlight adjacency, but rankles at all attempts to extract a representative sample of comments. Comments which are selected based on being highest-voted are decreed not to be representative. Multi-hundred comment threads are declared irrelevant to understanding Hackernews' internal dialog. No technology is discussed.
August 09, 2019 (comments)
A computer nerd compiles a track list for a literary mixtape, then throws it onto a garbage scow. Hackernews toys with amusing recreational ideas like "reading books" or "learning to use software" but most of the comments are suggestions for additional books to not read or links to similar mixtapes from nerds each individual commenter prefers to listen to. One Hackernews is worried that failure to obsessively focus on one topic might make them less attractive to employers. Others agree: learning new things is hard, so it's best to just keep learning the same thing forever.
August 10, 2019 (comments)
An Internet describes the process of computer programming via voice recognition software. Hackernews recommends fifteen thousand different exercises to prevent the physical condition described in the article, but the segment about the author's doctors' dismissal of the problem leads to a shark attack wherein Hackernews lines up every physician currently licensed to practice medicine and executes them for incompetence on live television.
August 11, 2019 (comments)
A webshit recounts the story of a largely successful C program. Hackernews forms impromptu support groups for the poor bastards who are stuck with using this extremely popular programming language.
August 12, 2019 (comments)
Some doctors find success with a modern take on the old "wait for someone to survive a disease and then find out how they did it" trick. Hackernews has strong opinions about the operation of clinical trials, based entirely on waiting-room magazines and Youtube videos. Other Hackernews insist that the disease should not be called "curable" because people still die sometimes.
August 13, 2019 (comments)
Some adtech parasites ramble about Google. Hackernews is on board with this, but some Googles show up in the comments to defend the divine right of their kings. A few Hackernews engage in good-faith efforts to communicate with the acolytes, but in the end all roads lead to "rewrite your website to suit us and click here to create a Google account." Nobody notices the adtech parasites.
August 14, 2019 (comments)
Some webshits spend too much time thinking about techno. Hackernews does too, but can't decide whether it's as an excuse to spend time with other human beings or because philately is out of vogue. The comment threads common to all discussions about techno are present: people pretending to be interested in making more of it, people pretending to be interested in other people's opinions of it, and clenched-teeth debates about which particular beeps and whistles are appropriate to which arbitrary sub-sub-subgenre titles. On a related note: the terms "techno" and "electronic music" are interchangeable; I am not accepting feedback on this topic at this time.