webshit weekly

An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of March, 2019.

Elizabeth Warren Proposes Breaking Up Tech Giants Like Amazon
March 08, 2019 (comments)
A politician solicits campaign donations from a select group of public-benefit organizations. Hackernews disagrees with the prospective donor list and would prefer the attention to be directed at organizations they do not work for or worship. After several hours complaining about how much they pay service providers for bad service, Hackernews returns to its natural state: incorrecting each other about economic theory.

Hackers ransack Citrix, make off with 6TB+ of emails, biz docs, secrets
March 09, 2019 (comments)
A company that specializes in centralized remote data access succeeds beyond their wildest imagination. Hackernews realizes the source of some of the information is untrustworthy, but since PHP software is involved it's impossible to tell colossal incompetence from state-backed overt assault. Other Hackernews decide that it's just not possible to avoid getting your shit snatched, and start arguing about how much of the government can be safely delegated to an industry where nobody can be held accountable for their work.

Daydreaming about the future instead of doing work today
March 10, 2019 (comments)
An Internet tells a motivational story about the courage and persistence required to finally live the dream: producing short-run cubicle decorations for people who don't warrant a door. Hackernews is extremely enthusiastic about the "spew bullshit forth like a diarrhetic hippopotamus" approach to personal betterment, and spend the afternoon patting each other on the back for sticking by bad implementations of bad ideas.

Nginx to Be Acquired by F5 Networks
March 11, 2019 (comments)
F5 fires a killshot at their biggest competitor. Hackernews is staggered, fretting about whether it is even possible for software to exist in a fashion not subject to corporate ownership. Frantic recommendations are sought and provided for replacement tools, all of which appear to be caching proxies, and none of which are actual web servers.

Firefox Send: Free encrypted file transfer service
March 12, 2019 (comments)
Mozilla introduces another product that has nothing to do with their only valuable asset. To rectify this oversight, they named it after the web browser anyway. Hackernews is split fairly evenly between people crawling over each other to start using it and people who are correctly terrified of anything in a web browser claiming to be secure. Some Hackernews want to know who is paying for the hosting. The answer is Mozilla, which is to say, Google.

Spotify to Apple: Time to Play Fair
March 13, 2019 (comments)
A company is mad at another company, and makes some webshit containing PR for their incoming complaints to some adults. Hackernews attempts to negotiate the precise depth and vigor with which a computer manufacturer should be allowed to fuck its competitors. Several imaginary users are invented for Hackernews to defend against the relentless onslaught of fraud and theft that reigns supreme in the online payment industry created by Hackernews' employers.

Rudder issue that plagued the Boeing 737 throughout the 1990s
March 14, 2019 (comments)
An Internet recounts one of Boeing's previous attempts to evade responsibility for a flaw in their aircraft. Hackernews nervously hovers around the edges of discussing the concept of professional responsibility, but when the original author shows up to complain that nobody properly accredited the story, Hackernews drops the hot potato and seizes the distraction of lecturing the author that the information was posted to the wrong webshit.