An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of March, 2019.
March 01, 2019 (comments)
Lyft (business model: "Uber for cars") declares that it's a real company run by human adults. Hackernews, of course, immediately enters into a protracted argument regarding whether Lyft is giving too much money to Amazon Web Services, not enough money, or exactly the right amount of money. Another group of Hackernews is impressed that executives at the company sometimes work for the company; while Hackernews assumes this is to engender a better understanding of the lives of drones, it's more likely they were just supplementing their Uber income. The rest of the comments are trying to work out how much money everyone has.
March 02, 2019 (comments)
An Internet uses computers for money. Hackernews is mad that sometimes people trick them out of getting paid for similar work. Other Hackernews are mad that people try to trick them into paying for similar work. The rest of the comments are from people trying to become qualified to do similar work.
March 03, 2019 (comments)
An Internet discovers that dipshittery crosses cultural boundaries. Hackernews enumerates every single bad password they've ever selected, and expresses some surprise that hipster keyboard layouts cannot save them. The largest thread is about which pirated software license keys make the worst passwords. Some Hackernews are angry that people on Twitter have opinions that are not about computers. The rest of the comments are people linking to, describing, or demanding implementation of that XKCD comment with the bad password advice.
March 04, 2019 (comments)
A bone-marrow transplant from an immune donor renders an HIV patient virus-free. Hackernews doesn't have anything productive to say about it, so they trade anecdotes about how shitty people were to AIDS victims in the 1990s.
March 05, 2019 (comments)
The National Security Agency would like to show off one of its less interesting toys. Hackernews is excited, as this toy is significantly less expensive than similar toys they already had. The rest of Hackernews doesn't think anything can hold a candle to the other toys, and is suspicious of anyone who thinks otherwise.
March 06, 2019 (comments)
Some nerds suspect that Facebook experienced a slight engagement decrease in one of its mid-tier markets. Hackernews never used Facebook, stopped using it years ago, can't stop using it, or demands everyone else use it more. Extremely detailed reasons are provided for each of these positions, but they are identical to the ones posted on all past Facebook-related stories.
March 07, 2019 (comments)
An internet is not invited to participate in Microsoft's security theater. Hackernews debates whether it is appropriate to outsource trust to Microsoft, or whether it is the purity of the developer's intention that counts. The rest of the comments are various Hackernews recounting the trials they undertook to attain sufficient worthiness that Microsoft may shrive them unto your PC, or other Hackernews nailing their ninety-five theses to the bathroom door in the lobby of Microsoft HQ.