webshit weekly

An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of June, 2017.

SoftBank Agrees to Buy Boston Dynamics From Alphabet
June 08, 2017 (comments)
Skynet sells its manufacturing division to some foreigners. Hackernews argues about whether Google makes money from anything but advertising. Other Hackernews debate whether Google altruistically bought a battlebot company to shut it down or if someone at Google was stupid enough to think that battlebot design was a good fit for an advertising company. The rest of the thread is name-dropping hearsay about people who worked at these organizations.

$80k/month App Store Scam
June 09, 2017 (comments)
An internet discovers that Apple does not give a shit about him. Hackernews lectures each other about how to quickly climb aboard this shit train. Another Hackernews angrily attacks Apple and its customers for living in the world that Hackernews helped build.

Please Make Google AMP Optional
June 10, 2017 (comments)
An internet is imperfectly happy with Google's user experience. Hackernews pouts that people would have been meaner to Apple. The rest of the threads are people saying "I sure wish it didn't do this shit" and then getting lynched by people who insist that disliking anything about Google is license to fuck right off the internet.

Hackers Are Hijacking Phone Numbers and Breaking into Email, Bank Accounts
June 11, 2017 (comments)
A magazine reports on people committing crimes. Hackernews spends some time recounting all the myraid ways they've been defrauded, then settles in to lecture each other about how to prevent fraud.

How is GNU `yes` so fast?
June 12, 2017 (comments)
Some nerds obsess over dumb shit. Hackernews spends some time making excuses for GNU's code being so shitty, before inevitably reaching consensus that all the problems are C's fault. Someone mentions rust, but the strike force does not arrive; presumably they avoid the Cult of GNU, since rust is a programming language instead of a political windmill.

Verizon closes $4.5B acquisition of Yahoo, Marissa Mayer resigns
June 13, 2017 (comments)
Verizon buys the corpse of Yahoo!. Hackernews pauses to bitch that executives make a lot of money before getting to the real meat of this story: women are incompetent lazy charlatans and Hackernews hates them so much.

Show HN: Get Paid to Build Your Next Side Project
June 14, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts a bounty board where people can complain about things and offer money for bad solutions. Hackernews is excited at the possibility of getting rich by fleecing a shitload of regular people for small amounts, which is a nice change from fleecing a small number of venture capitalists for huge amounts.