webshit weekly

An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of June, 2017.

Disclaimer
Somebody mentioned Rust this week, but nobody cared. The United States Marshalls are attempting to access Mozilla HQ in hopes of locating the Rust Evangelism Strike Force, but the stall is locked from the inside.

Facebook is an attack on the open web
June 01, 2017 (comments)
An internet is angry that Facebook does not answer to him. Hackernews decides that "I don't have a facebook account" is the new "I don't have a TV" and precisely that circlejerk ensues. Some Hackernews attempt to rationalize multimegabyte pageloads for plaintext content, then settle in to question why exactly the internet should let just anybody on in the first place.

Network Protocols
June 02, 2017 (comments)
An internet blames history for http/2 being a piece of shit. Hackernews, given knowledge without understanding, is immediately in love. They spend a while trading similarly shallow treatments of fundamental IT topics, then argue about whether content is worth money.

Accidentally destroyed production database on first day of a job
June 03, 2017 (comments)
An idiot is hired by idiots. After something idiotic occurs, the idiot is fired and posts about it on the internet. Hackernews argues about which particular idiot caused this. The rest of the thread is Hackernews parroting things they read online about leadership or reminiscing about doing something idiotic while working for idiots.

On average, skipping college and investing tuition costs nets a higher return
June 04, 2017 (comments)
An asshole wastes his time. Hackernews reverse-engineers the entire Western economy. It comes out different for each one of them, but each one of them is relieved they've solved all the problems. The consensus is that it doesn't matter whether you go to college or not: you'll never be as smart as Hackernews.

Apple adds a tracker blocker to desktop Safari
June 05, 2017 (comments)
Apple lies about its software. Hackernews takes them at face value.

Show HN: Monica, an open-source CRM to manage friends and family
June 06, 2017 (comments)
A sociopath invents single-player Facebook. No substantive discussion occurs since the author posted the link and Hackernews immediately shifts into webshit pedantry, privacy policy bikeshedding, and dancing about how they can keep their creepy stalker journals hosted on their own computers. Impressively, while the software itself is unreasonably creepy, the weird product-brochure-style website advertising it is even creepier.

“Let her speak please”
June 07, 2017 (comments)
An internet blogs about disrupting an event. Hackernews has had enough of these ungrateful broads; they should stop with the backtalk and like what they get.