An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of January, 2021.
January 01, 2021 (comments) (archive since the coward deleted it)
An Internet posts the heartwarming story of having narrowly escaped a career working for Apple. Hackernews relates every bad workplace experience they've ever had. Later, Hackernews decides to attack the author of the original article, including deciding that the author must be insane. Hackernews' proof? Questionable typopgraphy.
January 02, 2021 (comments)
Hackernews is now just voting up spam blogs, just so they can talk about their favorite smartphone software. Most of it consists of programs designed to inhibit the functionality of the device you bought. One Hackernews is mad that the Marines exist, which seems like a reasonable position. This seemed to be a reasonable position until it became evident that Hackernews had the United States Marines confused with murderous robots, when the proper reason to be mad that the Marines exist is that the Army already has a perfectly serviceable infantry.
January 03, 2021 (comments)
The headline is unclear: the numbers in question involve Uber's $150MM online ad budget. In addition, Uber was in fact defrauded out of 100% of their online advertising budget, because every dollar you spend on online advertising may as well have been flushed down the toilet. Since Hackernews' entire life revolves around using Uber to commute to their adtech day job, then using Uber to get to their kickball league with their adtech startup co-conspirators, then using Uber to get back to their loft, this story captivates Hackernews wholly. Half the comments are from Hackernews who are aware that online advertising is worthless and the other half are from other Hackernews insisting the first half is mistaken.
January 04, 2021 (comments)
January 05, 2021 (comments)
Microsoft expands the pool of lower-income nations they can exploit. A Microsoft arrives in the Hackernews comments to handle bug requests personally, both because there isn't anything better to do with Microsoft's time and because Hackernews comprises the majority of the population of people dumb enough to pay for Github Pro accounts. Hackernews relates every story they have ever heard involving Iran.
January 06, 2021 (comments)
Facebook continues the war on its own users. Hackernews is absolutely positive this is the most interesting and important thing to happen on January 6, 2021. There is nothing else that even comes close to being as important as this to talk about on January 6, 2021. Nothing else is even remotely this crucial -- it received 110% the votes of the next-highest-ranked story. A change in the terms of service of a fucking chat program is definitely, for sure, the most important event of January 6, 2021. What could possibly be as important as Facebook software policies? Nothing! Not on January 6, 2021, that's for damn sure!
January 07, 2021 (comments)
Gumroad (business model: "Uber for Etsy") explains why it's such a pain in the ass to interact with Gumroad in any meaningful way. Hackernews realizes this country doesn't provide health care and flips the fuck out. Then Hackernews realizes the author basically scammed some venture capitalists and gullible staff into building out a business that put the author firmly into the leisure class, and fights break out over whether this is evil, genius, evil genius, or just sort of a dick move.