webshit weekly

An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the last week of November, 2017.

I'm on the FCC. Please stop us from killing net neutrality
November 22, 2017 (comments)
A bureaucrat, upset some other bureaucrats are in disagreement, appeals to the mob. Hackernews tears itself apart: some insist their startups be treated with the same deference granted to Netflix and Facebook, and the others insist on their divine right to bleed every possible customer dry. The only unanimous sentiment is "from each according to their ability, to me according to my delusions of Galtness."

The Western Elite from a Chinese Perspective
November 23, 2017 (comments)
Some rich guy wastes everybody's time. Hackernews grows somber and moons about life lessons. After a while, Hackernews takes a break from telling each other to be humble, in order to focus on calling other people stupid or lazy. Everyone agrees that success is granted by luck, but lots of Hackernews suspect that they earned their luck by caring a lot.

Terrain rendering in fewer than 20 lines of code
November 24, 2017 (comments)
A webshit shows off someone else's code. No, the 20 lines of code do not include, for instance, most of the code, or any of the multiple massive libraries it relies upon. The webshit in question shows up in the comments to point out that "the algorithm" is what fits in 20 lines of code, but it is too late. Hackernews has already trotted out every piece of software they've ever seen that's even remotely related, and everyone agrees it's all superior to this video game from the early 1990s.

My unusual hobby
November 25, 2017 (comments)
A programmer unveils a truly bizarre pastime: programming. Hackernews mulls over an important question: whether grasping mathematics is capable of improving the quality of a programmer's work. As a corollary, they also speculate on whether learning to program would make mathematicians worth listening to. The rest of the comments are people digging phrases out of dimly-remembered college classes and parading them online to sound informed.

Facebook Is the Junk Food of Socializing (2015)
November 26, 2017 (comments)
Some shithead posts the junk food of pop psychology. One Hackernews bravely thanks Facebook for providing an alternative to the horrific prospect of spending time with spouses and children, but after that it just turns to "I removed the Facebook app from my phone, and have thereafter pierced the seventh veil." A few Hackernews turn away from the shark attack on Facebook to instruct one another on the correct method and apparatus for worshipping God.

Stanford CS007: Personal Finance For Engineers
November 27, 2017 (comments)
Stanford is forced to teach their students how to be adults; evidently adulthood is no longer taken for granted when dealing with computer science students. Hackernews, the world's leading repository of good decisions and rational behavior, disagrees with nearly all of it, and falls to bickering about why the instructions are wrong.

macOS High Sierra: Anyone can login as “root” with empty password
November 28, 2017 (comments)
Apple continues to perform their traditional role as innovative thought leaders. While lesser companies are defending against government insistence on software back doors, Apple courageously installs software front doors. Some Hackernews continue to perpetuate the tired old pre-High Sierra doctrine of protecting the root account from unauthorized access, but Tim Cook knows that's just what the adversary would expect you to do. Hackernews -- like the rest of the internet -- spends so much time threatening to possibly purchase non-Apple hardware at some point in the hypothetical future that they can barely fit in the "this wouldn't have happened if Steve Jobs hadn't killed himself" lectures. Approximately every fifth comment contains incorrect and ineffective instructions for disabling the feature.

Hello, world: this is WikiTribune
November 29, 2017 (comments)
Jimmy Wales takes a break from writing heartfelt personal letters pestering strangers for money to announce another goddamn Wordpress blog. Hackernews spends some time ruminating on whether the entire concept of a wiki has failed, then tries to predict which multinational corporation will win the race to purchase Jimmy Wales. Everyone is in agreement that information is power, power brokers have biases, and the only way to make effective decisions is by employing shitloads of graphic designers.

System76 ME Firmware Updates Plan
November 30, 2017 (comments)
A junk dealer includes a free tinfoil hat with each purchase. Some of the trash collectors show up to disseminate needless detail, and are avalanched with tech support questions regarding past junk sales.

x