An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the first week of September, 2017.
September 01, 2017 (comments)
An internet informs us that we probably don't need all the bullshit Hackernews wades through at their day jobs. Hackernews insists that the bullshit is the only source of joy in life. Another Hackernews posits that different people have different opinions, and everybody takes a break to congratulate each other on this profound insight.
September 02, 2017 (comments)
A camera rental business reports that, despite having been repeatedly instructed not to, their customers have done idiotic things with their tools. Hackernews devolves into arguments about how long is appropriate to aim a lens at the sun, revealing that most of them interact with photography equipment the same way they interact with the information technology industry: incapable of realizing they're destroying it.
September 03, 2017 (comments)
An internet reports that Oracle has cut the head off the shambling remains of Sun's systems division. Hackernews eulogizes Solaris and once again struggles with the idea that a company might somehow survive by selling goods and services instead of internet advertising. The bulk of the comments are people Monday-morning quarterbacking a multinational business.
September 04, 2017 (comments)
A parasite demands that its host stop scratching. Hackernews mostly just bitches about their phones. Off in the corner, some Hackernews argue about whether it's smarter to trust people who are selling shit to you or people who are giving shit to you for free.
September 05, 2017 (comments)
An internet experiments with the idea of using a tool for its intended purpose. Hackernews divides into two groups: those who have written extensively about Make, and those who have extensively written Make replacements. The Rust Evangelism Strike Force puts cash on the barrelhead if anyone will please just take an existing simple program and convert it to Rust. The money remains unclaimed.
September 05, 2017 (comments)
An internet warns that computers, which suck, are infesting non-computer-related things, and making them suck. Hackernews inexplicably thinks software licensing has something to do with this. Some Hackernews probe the idea that maybe -- eventually -- somehow -- perhaps... it might be desirable to hold software engineers responsible for their creations, in the sense that literally every other kind of engineer is held responsible. Hackernews vacillates between abhorrence at the very notion of accountability and tentative speculation that accountability might be survivable. One Hackernews thinks you should defrag your phone.
September 06, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts a record of interaction with a typical recruiter, then shows up to defend the recruiter in the comments section of Hackernews. Hackernews discusses the student's insufficient self-abasement as an indicator of ingratitude, then starts up a pedantry tournament, presumably to select the next round of recruiters for Facebook.
September 07, 2017 (comments)
An airplane flies a tricky route in the nick of time. A Hackernews identifies as a pilot and helpfully informs everyone that this cool thing everyone is excited about is a cool thing. The rest of the comments read exactly like every single Facebook post of the same story, including a seventeen-page response from someone who doesn't understand how comment threading works.