An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the last week of January, 2017.
January 22, 2017 (comments)
According to the data it's actually more money than either. A Hackernews uses the word 'econophysics' and, inexplicably, nobody makes fun of him for it.
January 23, 2017 (comments)
Yet another dickhead mouths off on the internet about how he is better than other people because he stopped using his iPad for a while. Hackernews abstains from electric light, which further blurs the already weak borderline between 'hipster' and 'amish.' Both the author and Hackernews, having reclaimed their attention spans, waste it on stupid bullshit.
January 24, 2017 (comments)
An internet masturbates with Google's machine learning library to program a car to poorly drive itself. Hackernews bikesheds the code for a bit and returns to predicting that all cars will be autonomous starting next Tuesday.
January 25, 2017 (comments)
An internet brags about having conquered middle-school mathematics, which in this case can be used to create even more bland and uninteresting clipart shit than before. A Hackernews describes having an emotional breakdown, overcome with the beauty of some nerd shit. The rest of Hackernews spends some time arguing about what the required education for a 'software engineer' should be. Nobody knows.
January 26, 2017 (comments)
An internet posts a resume-building exercise with no practical value or interesting results or useful methodology. Hackernews debates the relative merits of software designed to execute bad programs as quickly as possible. The Rust Evangelism Strikeforce makes a tactical decision not to get involved, since people are talking about fast code.
January 27, 2017 (comments)
Not mentioned in the headline: the children were also treated with regular-ass chemotherapy. Hackernews dusts off their medical degrees and trades misconceptions about cancer therapy and patient care.
January 28, 2017 (comments)
Hackernews is totally unsurprised by this, convinced the problem is endemic among online services, and is totally at a loss regarding possible solutions, raising the question of what the hell any of them are being paid to do.
January 29, 2017 (comments)
An internet animated the concept that breathing slowly and regularly has a calming effect. Hackernews jerks off about yoga for some reason, and one Hackernews attempts to suffocate himself because he misconfigured his web browser.
January 30, 2017 (comments)
People hired to look at terrible shit forty hours a week tend to go crazy. Hackernews decides this must be why cops are all assholes and that the solution is more cops. One Hackernews suggests just hiring perverts.
January 31, 2017 (comments)
The same idiot who made the 'how to breathe' animation makes a 'how to sit still' website. Hackernews returns to jerking off about yoga.