FOSDEM: more boring shit
Let's take a look at my annotated copy of the FOSDEM 2017 main talk schedule, shall we?
The speech is 25 minutes so it will fit into your Burger King lunch break!
"GIFEE" stands for "Google Infrastructure For Everyone." Presumably your computers are too fast and you need some more abstractions to slow them back down. No, I don't know what the second 'E' stands for.
"The Free Software Commons" is just some bureaucrat's idea to put a shitload of free software on a hard drive somewhere. The talk description does not explain why archive.org is insufficient for this task. I think it's because archive.org will not establish a salary for the bureaucrat.
An FSF bureaucrat spreads FSF propaganda.
Someone is trying to use linux to do something.
This one is only ten minutes so you can attend it and get back before the fries are done.
The talk description claims RISC-V is in use in both Internet of Things and supercomputing, which is amazing since nobody's produced any working hardware yet.
Hewlett-Packard came up with a bespoke machine. They could not afford any marketing experts, so this machine is called "The Machine." The big innovation is that you just shit data onto the disk instead of bothering with a proper filesystem. The speaker is the same Keith Packard who made the X Window System even worse than it was before.
Google, typically, open-sourced some trash software that only serves their needs. This guy is here to explain to you why you should ever, ever give a shit, and also you should probably get involved with the project and give Google free labor.
In addition to "30.000" being a strange grade of precision to apply to the number thirty, the second the audience realizes this idiot is talking about Ubuntu everyone will know this "never break" bullshit is a lie.
The talk description is in English and the talk will be given in English. You can find out more on the FOSDEM web page, which is in English. This shows you how important localization is.
Someone realized that it's much easier to secure software if you throw half of it out and ignore the other half. He has started a business with this as the planned profit source.
Someone realized that "containerized applications" -- the practice of just tarring up all your shit with its shared library dependencies and treating that as a unit -- is part of what made Windows suck. The speaker's other talk involves advocating for 'rolling release' distributions. That's right: even the rolling-release idiots think AppImage sucks.
An idiot is afraid to say fuck. He works for Red Hat and Apache at the same time so obviously he is the world's leading authority on what documentation should look like: either contained entirely within runtime error messages or hidden behind a paywall.
Another Red Hat idiot wants people to stop writing documentation and write stories instead.
The talk description spouts meaningless shit about storytelling, but the real common factor between Rowling and Linux is their presence in the homes and hearts of millions of children and/or mouth-breathing retards who are impressed only because they haven't seen what competence looks like.
Finally, someone comes up with open-source gaming technology even less interesting or popular than VR.
An academic has a radio.
An idiot calls multidimensional arrays "datacubes." Nobody knows why, or wants to find out.
Daniel Stenberg is here to tell you how important curl is, because telling people how important curl is happens to be his full-time job.
All I Want To Know Is Why The Woody Allen References*
*(to a movie that came out before you were born)
An absolute asshole tries to justify the massive crowdsourced surveillance program they've built.
Organizational advice from two idiots who have never organized anything.
The idiot from last year is back, trying to sell you laptops preloaded with a version of Coreboot that has all the useful shit stripped out.
It is kind of gross to make this some kind of scheduled event. Have some class and do an informal meeting after hours for this, people.
Yet another webshit trying to make his webshit faster.
Red Hat would like the ability to significantly increase the amount of data collected for the bug reports it ignores.
Security and Encryption
Yeah, it's still just SHA-3, man.
An Exercise in Full-Stack Irrelevance!
Apparently nobody's told Red Hat that if something can be automatically decrypted you may as well never have encrypted it to start with.
Recognizing that IPSec is an overcomplicated monster that nobody uses, an idiot sets about writing a simplified monster nobody uses.
A moron thinks someone wants to use third-party servers with Open Whisper Systems' Signal protocol. Don't bother to learn his name; you won't need it.
Listening to a Russian talk about quantum computing is akin to asking your dog how to replace a circuit breaker.