FOSDEM 2014: more boring shit

Let's take a look at my annotated copy of the FOSDEM 2014 main talk schedule, shall we?


Welcome to FOSDEM 2014

How we found a million style and grammar errors in the English Wikipedia
Step 1. Look at literally any page on the English Wikipedia.

Software Archaeology for Beginners
Gentlemen, start your UNISERVO

Closing FOSDEM 2014
No refunds.

Tracing and debugging

Linux tracing with LTTng
well shit, if it has 'ng' in the name it must be important!

Making the Linux Kernel better (without coding)
The best part about not coding is how portable it is. Oh wait. This talk is about adding a new product ID to an existing driver. Totally worth an entire hour.

Your Application versus GDB
Someone finally admits that using GDB on a program introduces an adversarial relationship.

Who ate my battery?
It was probably systemd.

Memory and storage

What's New in OpenLDAP
SPOILER ALERT: another goddamn database to not care about

Persistent Memory
Pro tip: we call this a "disk"

Concurrent Programming Made Simple
From the Brand New Idea department: layering EVEN MORE SHIT on top of C++ to make things "simple"


No more IPv4
First up in the IPV6 section: IPV4. Of course. In this talk, Eric Vyncke discusses how all programs use http (no exceptions) and also addresses complaints regarding the fact that his name has only one vowel, which it refuses to actually use.

Using RIPE Atlas API for measuring IPv6 Reachability
RIPE has a botnet that just ping-floods the whole internet. We're supposed to be appreciative of this bullshit.


Dovecot's way of scaling to millions of users
caching and rsync. oh, not rsync. dsync. because.

Postfix open source mail server - lessons learned and recent developments
None and none. The official talk description is "Description will go here."

Web shit for idiots.


An Introduction to Sage
Sage is a gigantic python clusterfuck designed to help you cheat on your statistics homework. It is for people who cannot afford Matlab.

Calc: GPU enabling a spreadsheet
Some asshole decides to offload simple math to his video card, never stopping to consider that once you reach the point where GPU acceleration makes sense you should STOP USING A FUCKING EXCEL CLONE


FPGA programming tool. Not hardware.

ARM: Allwinner sunxi SoC's and the community behind it
A graduate student is paid to pretend that anyone gives a shit about Raspberry Pi clone #3,452.

Power management: a system wide challenge
A man holds up Android devices as an example of power management. The United States Department of Irony issues a severe storm warning covering the regions of your face and brain.


I agree! Oh. F doesn't stand for what I thought it did. This is some kind of GNU/Appstore.

HTML5 Video Part Deux
Title contains a typo: should be "HTML5 Video Part Douche," in which some shitheads sell us all up the river because they're too lazy to write software.

The Wikipedia stack
Inside a PHP shitstorm.

USE OTR or how we learned to start worrying and love cryptography
Some people rant about encrypting their facebook chat, as though the bad guys would bother intercepting their party invites instead of just using Farmville to send the plaintext back to the botnet.