FOSDEM 2013: more boring shit

Let's take a look at my annotated copy of the FOSDEM 2013 main talk schedule, shall we?


Welcome to FOSDEM 2013

How we made the Jenkins community
- Shit java everywhere
- Become the developer's replacement for cron
- Get kicked out by Oracle

The Devil is in the Details
A young girl is paid nearly $112,000 per year to tell nerds that software patents are bad.

The Keeper of Secrets
A Red Hat employee (and former Google employee) shares delightful stories regarding the hundreds of thousands of lies per second that nerds tell each other on the internet.

Closing FOSDEM 2013

Operating systems

Porting Fedora to 64-bit ARM systems
That's right: exactly the same as porting anything else to 64-bit ARM systems.

The Anykernel and Rump Kernels
NetBSD is interested in porting parts of their kernel to javascript. The presenter's name, Antti Kantee, rhymes with itself. He has no hair.

Open ARM GPU drivers
There aren't any that work.

ARM support in the Linux kernel
wake me up when this track gets back to being about operating systems

Maintaining a kernel subsystem
some nerd's blog in spoken word form

Open source challenges

Free, open, secure and convenient communications
There are more people's names on this talk than there are words in the title of the talk. Something about VoIP; nobody cares.

LibreOffice: cleaning and re-factoring a giant code-base
Is that a giant codebase in your pocket, or are you just happy to ignore this entire talk?

Has the GNOME community turned crazy?


The Open Observatory of Network Interference
Almost the entire FOSDEM attendence will be eating lunch somewhere else during whatever the hell this is.

Practical Security for developers, using OWASP ZAP
A security expert can't tell the difference between the web and the internet.

Keccak, More Than Just SHA3SUM
SPOILER ALERT: no it isn't

Trends in Open Source Security
SPOILER ALERT: there isn't one

How to build an Identity Management System on Linux
This guy's answer: use his pet project to install kerberos and ldap. Thanks, friend!

Beyond operating systems


Firefox OS
Well, at least they're finally admitting firefox is an operating system.

systemd, Two Years Later
Behaving as expected. It turns simple tasks into nightmares, and the home page conveniently has an entire paragraph about how to spell 'systemd.' Truly the Pulseaudio of init.

FreedomBox 1.0
Ok, I want to clear something up. The last time FreedomBox was mentioned here I made a rude joke about falling asleep, as though to indicate the idea was boring. I want to make up for that now by talking a little bit about the project. FreedomBox is a personal servzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Web development

Scaling PHP with HipHop
Facebook uses this to compile the entire goddamn site, via C++, into a single 1GB executable. The maintainers are confused regarding why the whole world hasn't fallen in love with it.

Static site generation for the masses
Because the masses give a shit about site generation right? In fact, the web world has realized that web programmers are constitutionally incapable of producing working software that won't be hacked by the first Brazilian funboy who wanders onto the site, and have retreated to bloxsom clones in self-defense.


Vroom! Free Software in your car
This is a crazy person who thinks that "In-Vehicle Infotainment" is a thing that anyone gives a shit about.

Open Science, Open Software, and Reproducible Code
Bill Hoffman wants everyone to feel really great about his company. However, they're the ones who created CMake, so they're all terrible assholes instead.

UEFI SecureBoot
I thought this talk was some kind of high school paper they included out of pity, but it turns out it's from someone who installs Ubuntu on generic laptops for a living. So pity was probably involved.


Aldebaran Robotics and Open Source
This is what LOGO evolved to. Hopefully Seymour Papert, Cynthia Solomon, and Wally Feurzeig will be present to apologize. The advertisement^W talk coincides with lunch.

ROS: towards open source in robotics
Another example of the white-patriarchal system keeping needed tools out of the hands of the black community.