FOSDEM 2012: more boring shit

Let's take a look at my annotated copy of the FOSDEM 2012 main talk schedule, shall we?

Keynotes

Free Software: A viable model for Commercial Success
Thanks 2005: A Viable Model for Presenting the Obvious

A New OSI For A New Decade
What was wrong with the old OSI? What *mattered* about the old OSI?

Re-thinking system and distro development
The description talks about agile development. No further arguments.

Freedom, Out of the Box!
FreedomBox is a personal server running a free sofzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Future of UI

Beyond Traditional Mobile Linux
Ah, Carsten Munk. Apparently once you get beyond 'traditional' mobile linux you get to a point where you start projects, attract a lot of developers and testers, and then drop it like a sack of shit and start over on something else.

EFL, the toolkit for up and coming Linux mobile devices
EFL's been 'up-and-coming' for about twenty years now. One product. Just one. Please.

LibreOffice: on-line and in your pocket
Gross.

Wayland
Here is everything you need to know about Wayland.

Hypervisors

Ganeti: "how we did it"
"and why it doesn't work"

Virtualization with KVM: bottom to top, past to future
bottom: qemu. top: libvirt. past: qemu. future: obscurity.

Linux Containers and OpenVZ
It's like FreeBSD Jails, but shittier and less useful! Let's talk about it for an hour!

Native KVM Tool
Hey super, let's cram libvirt into the kernel... and bring in sdl with it.

Network and IO Track

Voice Applications for the Modern Open Source Hacker
This is an empty list. I hope the talk just involves Ben Klang staring silently at the audience.

Internet of Threads
This idiot wants to map ipv6 space to everyone's process tables. Because of reasons?

The Wild West of UNIX I/O
Someone thinks UNIX i/o needs more abstraction. He will be presented the Nobel Prize in No Shit, Genius following his presentation.

A strategy for managing diverse equipment in the CERN controls group
Number of FOSDEM talks worth attending, beginning of time through present: this one

System

CoApp: Packaging Open Source software for Windows
Thank GOD someone has finally addressed this crippling problem in the world of open source software.

Caching and Tuning fun for high scalability
Things left out of talk title: this is about the web, not systems anything. He is talking about varnish. He is a php goon.

coreboot - The last frontier: Laptops
coreboot has never mattered, ever. it will continue to not matter into the foreseeable future. UPDATE: now it also does not matter on laptops?

Bringing monitoring into the 21st century
A man sets lower bounds as well as upper bounds. He uses simple mathematics to determine threshold levels. During the talk, several people die of boredom.

Community

Why the community should welcome Average Jane and Joe
An attention whore explains why everyone should pay attention to attention whores. She is secretly furious about being called 'Clarista' in one section of the FOSDEM site and 'Clarissa' in another.

You're doing it wrong!
Guess what, Bryan Østergaard? Nobody cares. "You're doing it wrong" is code for "I'm an arrogant prick."

Caret and Stick
This is another speech from someone who is too cool for a full name (like rasterman and Claris[st]a). He thinks he knows why people do things. He's likely wrong.

Development

Implementing Domain-Specific Languages with LLVM
This description starts out "Any sufficiently complex application eventually evolves its own scripting framework or domain-specific language" and blithely continues, never asking why the hell that has to be the case in the first place.

The Apache Cassandra storage engine
A project so wonderful even the people who financed it hate it!

From Dev to DevOps
Developers still think configuration management is something they invented. Here, a developer makes incredibly bad decisions and lies about software.