webshit weekly

An annotated digest of the top "Hacker" "News" posts for the second week of May, 2021.

Chrome extension recommends local businesses while shopping on Amazon or eBay
May 08, 2021 (comments)
A webshit drags extinct milo.com features back into reality. Hackernews is pissed that small businesses don't do enough work to enable webshits to scrape their store shelves. Other Hackernews list all the other reasons they'll never do business with any company who doesn't underpay hordes of warehouse operatives and delivery drivers in order to ensure their counterfeit messenger bag arrives within seconds. One Hackernews prefers to shop online because brick-and-mortar retail stores don't treat their employees as well; in accordance with article 500 of the National Electric Code, this comment thread constitutes a Class III* Division 1** Group D*** hazardous area.

The Animal Is Tired
May 09, 2021 (comments)
Getting old sucks. Hackernews debates how old you have to be before you're allowed to start bitching about it, then they start arguing about which chemicals to ingest to fix all the problems. No technology is discussed, except by the idiots for whom clocks are a lost technology; they argue about which sleep tracker will best tell you you're asleep.

Can I Email?
May 10, 2021 (comments)
Some terrorists share notes about exactly which awful webshit can be crammed into which email clients. Surprisingly, Microsoft Outlook supports the least of the bullshit here on display, making it the best email client available for Windows. Hackernews asks questions whose answers will not benefit them, but the asking of which reveal how little Hackernews understands the core technologies they get paid to shit onto the internet. Several apostate Hackernews pine for the days of text-only email, but they are duly castigated by their CSS-addicted cohort.

Germany bans Facebook from handling WhatsApp data over privacy concerns
May 11, 2021 (comments)
Facebook goes to war against Germany. Hackernews mulls how anyone can possibly exert any regulatory control over a software company. Other Hackernews bicker about the precise nature of the user abuse which companies like Facebook and Apple undertake in order to protect their money extraction farms.

Google Docs will now use canvas based rendering
May 12, 2021 (comments)
Google Docs gives up on the pretense of being a website, and embraces its nature: a subpar office suite implemented in the world's least-efficient possible GUI toolkit. Some of the original architects of the Google Docs atrocity arrive in the Hackernews comment threads to announce that doing things in the dumbest possible manner turns out to be really difficult; congratulations are handed to all players for having the tenacity and determination to fuck everything up despite all the myriad red flags on the road to mediocrity. The rest of the comments are from Hackernews trying to ascertain exactly which of the walls in Google's walled garden just moved six inches closer in.

Pentagon surveilling Americans without a warrant, Senator Wyden reveals
May 13, 2021 (comments)
The United States Government bought some data on the open market and some internet hippies are mad about it. Hackernews experiences a whataboutism meltdown, as every spy, journalist, community organizer, or political activist in the history of the United States is reprosecuted in the Court of Hackernews. Another comment thread focuses on which high-visibility politician is to blame for this sort of behavior. Almost none of the comments hold accountable -- or even recognize the participation of -- the filthy animals who make their business the collection and sale of private information, because Hackernews doesn't want to get fired by them.

A URL Lengthener
May 14, 2021 (comments)
Yep, it's this joke again, and this one, and neither are as much fun as this one was. Hackernews bitches about Google and Microsoft URL redirections.

* ignitable fibers; it is after all a thread.

** high probability of combustion; likely to attract flaming.

*** high methane content in atmosphere, since this comment is bullshit.